


Scenes From A Life

by EmilliaGryphon, Skarabrae_stone



Series: Groot Steve Rocket Bucky: Scenes From a Life [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bar fights, Bucket- Relationship, Cuddling, Domestic Fluff, Driving Lessons, Drunken Shenanigans, Family, Flowers, Friendship, Fun, Funny, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hugs, M/M, Pranking, Pranks, Protective Steve Rogers, Team Bonding, grocket - Freeform, parenting, retired life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 19:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16248422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilliaGryphon/pseuds/EmilliaGryphon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skarabrae_stone/pseuds/Skarabrae_stone
Summary: Steve thought retired life was going to be a lot more peaceful. A collection of incorrect quotes, misadventures, scenes and flash fics.





	1. Chapter 1

**Bucky:** *Gasp* You’re not the raccoon I befriended! I’m divorcing from this friendship!

**Rocket:** You know what, fine! I’m leaving and I’m taking Steve and Groot with me!

**Bucky:** You leave them out of this!

*Steve and Groot look at each other*

**Steve:** Maybe we should stop playing Monopoly…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Unknown


	2. Chapter 2

**Steve:** What happened this time?

**Bucky:** He stuck his tail in the vacuum nozzle.

**Rocket:** You made me do it!

**Bucky:** No, I said, ‘Don’t stick your tail in the vacuum nozzle, Rocket’, and you said, ‘don’t tell me what to do, Bucky,’ and stuck it in there!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Unknown


	3. Chapter 3

**Steve:** Where are you two going?

**Bucky:** We’re taking a page from your book, Stevie. We’re going to volunteer at the park!

**Rocket:** Or commit arson, possibly robbery and identity theft.

**Bucky:** We’ll decide on the way there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Unknown


	4. Chapter 4

*Steve and Rocket come home all bruised up; they’ve obviously been fighting.*

 **Bucky:** Steve, we talked about this! You can’t just go starting bar fights! You better have a real good reason—

 **Steve:** Some asshole called Rocket a raccoon.

 **Bucky:** Yeah, okay, I can accept that.

2 Hours Earlier: 

“Excuse me.”

Steve looked up from his beer at the large bar owner who loomed over him. _He wants to start trouble._ Steve could read it easily in the way the man’s eyes scanned him.

“Yes?” He forced himself to be polite.

“You need to take your pet outside. It can’t be in here, it’s a violation of the health code."

Steve’s blood pressure rose, knuckles turning white as he held the bottle in his fist. “He’s not my pet,” he corrected.

The bar man's small eyes looked down at Rocket, and he raised a brow. “Look, the raccoon has to go.”

Steve stood, finishing his beer. “I’m gonna have to ask you to refrain from calling my friend here a raccoon.”

The man scrutinized Rocket with a bewildered, critical eye.

“It’s fine, Steve,” Rocket slurred, defeated and already three sheets to the wind. “It’s nothing I ain’t heard before.”

Steve frowned.

“Listen.” The man stepped closer, breath reeking of liquor in Steve’s face. “You and your 6th grade science experiment…”

Steve’s fist slammed into the man’s face, his nose crunching painfully as he was knocked backward. _Sorry Bucky,_ Steve thought, regarding his promise to not start anymore fights.

The man recovered, shaking hand held to his bloody nose, and Steve braced himself. _Alright, so this is how it’s going to be. Why couldn’t people just take no for an answer? Why did everything have to end in a fight?_ He almost smirked to himself. _...but if it must you can count on good ole’ Captain America to fight the good fight._ Maybe Bucky was right. Maybe he could ditch the label all he wanted, but in his heart he still held a righteous fury.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bucky:** Steve, what are those scratches on your back?

*Flashback to Steve taking the trash out and Rocket jumping out and landing on his back as he runs around screaming trying to pry him off.* 

**Steve:** I’m having an affair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Twitter


	6. Chapter 6

*Steve and Bucky come home after a date night. They find Rocket in an animal trap on their kitchen floor*

**Steve:** Oh my God, Rocket! Are you okay? What happened?

**Rocket:** Someone called the exterminator!!!

**Bucky:** I knew we should’ve told the landlord about him.

**Rocket: *** Visibly offended* Wait, you didn’t tell your landlord I was your new roommate? You know, I’m beginning to question the legitimacy of this friendship.


	7. Chapter 7

**Steve:** Is Groot still in the shower?

**Rocket:** Yeah, why?

**Steve:** Well, he’s just been in there for a while.

**Rocket:** He’s a growing boy! He needs to stay hydrated!

**Steve:** Yeah, but don’t you think two days is a little excessive?


	8. Chapter 8

**Rocket:** Stop feeding him Miracle Grow, he’s gonna get spoiled!

**Bucky:** *Looks offended and hugs Groot’s pot* Don’t talk to me or my adoptive son ever again!


	9. Chapter 9

*Watching  _ Monty Python and the Holy Grail _ *

**French Knight:** Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

**Bucky:** Hey Groot, he’s talking about you!


	10. Chapter 10

*Driving in the car*

**Bucky:** Steeeve! Rocket’s trying to take my arm!

**Rocket:** Bucky pointed to some roadkill and said, ‘Look Rocket, that’s you’!”

**Steve:** So help me, you two, I will turn this car around and we will not get milkshakes.

*Both silent*


	11. Chapter 11

**Steve:** Hi, I’m Steve Rogers. I live with my boyfriend and our roommate and his son—

**Rocket:** *Shouting from the other room* He’s not my son!

**Bucky:** *Also in the other room* How dare you say that?! See, this is why I should have sole custody of Groot!

**Rocket:** You can have full custody when you start paying me back for all the pots and weed killers you bought him!

**Bucky:** You said we’d be in this together!

**Steve:** … there’s never a dull moment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Groot:** I am Groot?

**Steve:** No, you can’t have my car keys.

**Groot:** I am  _ Groot _ ?

**Steve:** You have to wait ‘til you’re sixteen.

**Groot:** I am Groot!

**Steve:** I know your life cycle works differently, but those are the rules. You have to have a learner’s permit—

**Groot:** I am Groot.

**Steve:** Driving a spaceship doesn’t count! There’s nothing to bump into up there!

**Groot:** I am Groot!

**Rocket** : *In the background* That was ONE time!


	13. Chapter 13

*Bucky walks into teen Groot’s room. He’s watching a nature documentary about flowers and pollination.*

**Bucky:** Hey Groot, where’s the…

**Groot:** “...and so the tree releases it’s pollen...*Slamming laptop shut* I AM GROOT!

**Bucky:** Oh God… STEVE! PUT ME BACK IN CRYO! I MEAN IT THIS TIME!

**Steve:** Why?

**Bucky:** ASK GROOT!


	14. Chapter 14

**Bucky:** Rocket, I want you to meet a friend of mine. She’s really sweet and just your type.

*It’s a regular fox*

**Rocket:** H…hey there, nice to meet you. You, your fur is umm...really red...it..it looks nice.

**Steve:** This is mean. I’m gonna tell him.

**Bucky:** Don’t you dare! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Frozen


	15. Chapter 15

*Rocket says he’s going to get decorative wall hangings for the apartment. Bucky comes home and sees he bought those letters you hang on the wall to spell things. It’s all the trigger words.*

**Bucky:** I swear, I’m going to turn you into a hat!


	16. Chapter 16

**Bucky:** Rocket, those scientists called! They want to know if you’ve gotten your rabies shot yet!

**Rocket:** I’ll give  _ you _ rabies!

**Steve:** Please don’t, the last time you two fought we had to move…..again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Rocket:** Wait, you have a holiday where you just blow stuff up?

**Steve:** What? No!

**Bucky:** Yep! AND it’s Steve’s birthday.

**Steve:** YOU’RE NOT HELPING!


	18. Chapter 18

*Steve wakes up in the middle of the night, panicked, to the sound of gunshots*.

**Steve:** Bucky? You okay?!

**Rocket:** Hold still!

*Bucky is spinning around balancing an apple on his head while Rocket tries to shoot it off*

**Bucky:** What kind of shot are you if you can’t hit a moving target?!

**Steve:** One of you is gonna kill the other and I’m not driving you to the hospital.

*Fast forward to Bucky holding a cloth to his head in the back of the car while Steve comforts him. Groot is driving.*

**Bucky:** You said you wouldn’t miss!

**Rocket:** I didn’t! You moved at the last second!

**Steve:** GROOT, IT’S RIGHT ON RED, NOT LEFT!

*They careen through an intersection*

**Groot:** I am Groot?

**Bucky:** Yeah, it’s really gorey, wanna see?

**Steve:** NO! Eyes on the road!

**Bucky:** Damn raccoon shot me!

**Rocket:** *Whirling around* Call me a raccoon one more time and I’ll shoot you again!

**Steve:** Rocket, make sure Groot doesn’t kill us. Groot, stop signs are rules not suggestions. Bucky, stop moving, you’ll bleed more.  YOU ARE ALL WALKING ON VERY THIN ICE.

**Bucky:** Fucking animal is colorblind!

**Rocket:** DON’T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!

**Steve:** Bucky, hold still! This is the last time you two play with guns in the house!

**Bucky:** Rodent, I will toss you out this skylight and you will be roadkill on the side of the street!

**Rocket:** YEA GOOD LUCK DOING THAT WITH YOUR ONE ARM!

**Steve:** *Looks at Groot* We’re all gonna die.


	19. Chapter 19

**Rocket:** It’s so sad Bucky died

**Bucky:** *From the other room* Quit telling everyone I’m dead!

**Rocket:** Sometimes I can still hear his voice. 

**Bucky:** I’M NOT DEAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Brother Bear


	20. Chapter 20

**Bucky:** Hey, psst Rocket, want to make some extra money?

**Rocket:** Do I ever!

*Bucky stands outside a makeshift enclosure with Rocket inside. Sign reads ‘Petting Zoo.’* 

**Rocket:** You are so dead when we are done with this. 

**Bucky:** Shut up and play with the children. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Bucky:** Rocket look! *Points to where raccoons are rummaging around in the trash can behind the apartment.*

**Rocket:** What the hell is that?

**Bucky:** *Trying not to laugh* It’s….it’s you buddy.

**Rocket:** That is...that is not me.

**Bucky:** Say hello to your baby brother! 

**Rocket:** Barnes I swear to god…

**Bucky:** *Pulls out a camera* Go stand next to him! I want a picture! This is going in the album. 

**Steve:** You have an album?

**Bucky:** Well duh. Rocket, see if you can get it to smile!

**Rocket:** How the hell am I supposed to do that?!

**Bucky:** I dunno, growl or something? Speak the language of your people! 

**Rocket:** They didn’t teach me no linguistics in experimentation torture school Barnes!

**Steve:** Bucky…

**Bucky:** Huh, that’s weird because that’s definitely a part of what they taught me.

**Rocket:** *Goes over and tries to communicate with the raccoons.*

**Steve:** *Face palms*

*Finally the raccoon sniffs Rocket totally looking cute and Rocket growls at it.*

**Bucky:** *Click* Ohhh! This is so cute, you look just like twins! This is going in the album! 


	22. Chapter 22

**Steve:** That’s it, you’re in time out! Get up there! NOW!

**Groot:** *Crawling on top of the fridge* I am Groot!  _ This house is a fucking nightmare!!! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Vine


	23. Chapter 23

**Bucky:** I thought we were having salad with dinner.

**Steve:** I thought so too, until Groot caught me taking the veggies from our garden.

**Bucky:.** ........

**Steve:** ……..I think I offended him. 


	24. Chapter 24

*Steve and Bucky are decorating a christmas tree. Both in ugly sweaters, fire in the fireplace. Groot walks in, sees tree. Looks horrified and runs out. Steve frantically follows.*

**Steve:** Groot! Wait It’s not what it looks like! It’s...it’s not you, it’s me! I just wanted some holiday cheer! 


	25. Chapter 25

**Rocket:** Steve was getting a little too chummy. When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. 

**Bucky:** That’s a genius move

**Rocket:** Thank you

**Bucky:** You’re welcome...Lester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	26. Chapter 26

**Steve:** You know, you are a wonderful guy and I admire many things about you, but you are a terrible person to discuss personal problems with.

**Rocket:** Thank you friend, that really means a lot to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	27. Chapter 27

**Bucky:** Fishing relaxes me, it’s like doing yoga except I still get to kill something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	28. Chapter 28

**Bucky:** Steve has a lot of qualities that I find horrifying but the worst one by far is how thoughtful he can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	29. Chapter 29

*Bucky is sick with a cold, Steve is trying to ask him questions about his health recently so he can get him medicine.*

**Steve:** How many drinks do you have a week?

**Bucky:** One

**Steve:** That’s it? One drink?

**Bucky:** One shelf.

**Steve:** Allergies?

**Bucky:** Cowardice and weak willed men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	30. Chapter 30

**Rocket:** The less I know about other people’s affairs the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about other people. I once worked with a guy on three bounties and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	31. Chapter 31

*Going on a trip to London*

**Bucky:** I can’t wait to spend the day learning about London’s history.

**Steve:** History began on July 4th 1776. Everything before that was a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	32. Chapter 32

**Rocket:** Groot had to write a paper on “Why Government Matters,” look what he wrote! 

*Throws piece of paper in front of Steve, it just says “It doesn’t.”*

**Steve:** *Shedding a tear* I’m so proud of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	33. Chapter 33

**Groot:** I am Groot-  _ I’ve only known Steve for a day and a half, but if anything ever happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Brooklyn 99


	34. Chapter 34

*Rocket holding a camera looking down from a balcony at Bucky and Steve*

**Rocket:** Two bros chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cuz they're not gay!

**Groot:** I am Groot

**Rocket:** Oh, wait yeah you’re right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Vine


	35. Chapter 35

**Rocket:** I want to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	36. Chapter 36

*Groot arguing that he wants to get a tattoo on his bark*

 **Steve:** Groot please I will do anything to stop you from doing that.

 **Groot:** I am Groot- _Saw off your pinky toe_

 **Steve:** No!

 **Groot:** I am Groot- _Have sex with Tony_

 **Steve:** NO!

 **Groot:** I am Groot- _Well I tried to be reasonable._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	37. Chapter 37

**Rocket:** Bucky is the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	38. Chapter 38

**Bucky:** None of this would have happened if we had stuck to my plan for a honeymoon. A steak dinner with whiskey followed by some vigorous love making, then we’re both asleep by 8:30.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


	39. Chapter 39

**Groot:** I am Groot!

**Rocket:** Did you just curse? Cuz we don’t curse in this goddamn mother fucking house. Shit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Vine


	40. Chapter 40

*At the dinner table*

**Bucky:** So Steve and I are together...are you and Rocket like….?

**Steve:** Are we sure we want to know the answer?

**Groot:** *Nods enthusiastically*

*Steve and Bucky look horrified*

**Rocket:** No! Not like that! He means together, together….

**Groot:** *Deeply offended* I am Groot?  _ We’re not together?! _

**Rocket:** NO damn it! We’re together like we live together and we’re best friends but it’s not like that. We’re not...in love.

*Groot gasps horrified*

**Rocket:** Shit! No I mean of course I love you man, just not, love, love yah know?

*Groot frowns, bitch slapping Rocket and storms up from the table. Bucky laughs hysterically.*

**Rocket:** ...I may have deserved that. 

**Bucky:** So, when’s the wedding?

**Rocket:** You’re gonna pay for this! Both of you! And we are NOT together! 


	41. Chapter 41

*Steve and Bucky come home to find their apartment all decorated with beautiful lights, shimmering with candles lit. There is 40’s music playing low and sweet.*

**Steve:** Who did all this?

**Rocket:** It’s for you two, happy anniversary. 

**Steve:** *Being interviewed* Rocket is the most self-absorbed, nihilistic, secretly warm and kind hearted enhanced raccoon I’ve ever met. Way to go, little guy.

**Bucky:** He’s the only enhanced raccoon you’ve ever met.

**Steve:** ...let him have this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original: Parks and Rec


End file.
